My Birth Story

As my husband and I have talked about the day our sweet baby Autumn was born over the last few days, I have found that my perception of my birth experience and reality are two different stories entirely. I started to discover this was the case when a day or so ago, I was going through my email and discovered that as I was hitting transition I had emailed the instructor from my birthing classes and told her 'I'm so not coping well' and asked her to help me refocus. I have ZERO recollection of this, and doesn't that seem like the kind of thing you call someone about, not email? Upon telling Troy about this discovery there were a couple other details that I have no memory of. For example, it was snowing as we drove to the birth center, and the windshield wiper broke on the way in the snowfall. So there you have my disclaimer. What is to follow may not be accurate, but it is my perception of reality that day. 

About two weeks before I had Autumn I had prodromal labor begin. This ranged from some of the early signs of labor and mild contractions through actually having labor start then stop. Troy was studying for his final CPA exam on the 11th so we didn't want to trigger labor until after that was over. Once the test was over, we started doing a few things to get labor going. It all increased prodromal labor, but nothing progressed. It turns out that these are signs of your being posterior. I was trying to be positive and be a trooper, and genuinely didn't feel miserable 90% of the time. I actually enjoyed the end of my pregnancy more than any other time. 

So... I wake up on the morning of the 17th from a dream that I am in church and going into labor. The contractions are getting more intense in my dream to the point they actually wake me up and I realize that my subconscious was taking my real pain and incorporating it into my dream. I thought this was funny and just another tease so I told a group I participate in about it, but was convinced it would stop just like it had repeatedly done over the last two weeks. They convinced me to start timing things and call my midwife when my contractions dropped suddenly from 6 and a half minutes apart to 3 and a half. The pain was real, but it was very manageable, so I didn't think it was 'it'. I called the emergency line at the midwifery and talked with Karin, and told her what was going on and we decided to meet at nine. However, nine was when the next midwife takes over being on call. So Karin told me that she would talk to Onica, who would meet me at 9 to check things out.

We met Onica at the birth center, and I told her about what was going on, but that I wasn't convinced this was 'it'. She checked me and I had barely progressed from my previous appointment in dilation but was more effaced. She asked if I would like a membrane sweep to help take the painful part of a contraction from about 20 seconds and move things along. I agreed and then she suggested a handful of activities to get the baby to move down and intensify and lengthen my contractions. She also told me to get more food on my belly to prepare for what a marathon of sorts. 

So Troy and I went to go to the mall to start stair climbing, but got there and it was closed. (Duh, who goes shopping at 9:30 on a Sunday!?) Then we realized that the building he works in has 14 flights of stairs and no competition on a Sunday. So we went to the Frontier Building and began stair climbing in a way to open the pelvis and get things going. She told me to take the stairs two at a time, while taking as wide of steps as possible, by putting my left foot as far to the left as possible and the right foot as far to the right as possible. I was suddenly glad we were in this quiet building doing this and not in the mall with people watching me climb stairs this way at 9 months pregnant. 

By about the third floor I noticed things were intensifying. I still didn't believe this was 'it'. We continued to climb to the top of the building stopping every few minutes to breathe through contractions. We got to the top of the building and just rode the elevator down. 

I had only had a bagel with cream cheese that morning so we figured we better go get a solid meal in me. We tried all the ihop type places, but it was a Sunday morning and apparently that is THE time to go to these places. I considered going in and announcing to those waiting that I was in labor and wanted one last solid meal, and could I please cut in line? But then I felt dumb even considering that and there was no way waiting for an hour to get in would go well in labor, so we just went to McDonalds and grabbed something. 

We went home to let me rest and see what my body was doing by noon. I was able to rest through some contractions, and called Onica at noon to touch base. Contractions were more intense and longer, but the painful part was only running about 45 seconds, so we agreed to check back in an hour. In this hour, my body needed movement to cope, so I spent my contractions walking back and forth from one end of the apartment to the other. We checked back at one, and agreed to meet at 1:30 to see how things were going. 

Just before we left, my friend Kim came to pick up our puppy, Trixie, to watch her fora few days in case the baby actually was coming. I was still in denial and was waiting for it to stop or space out, but thought 'just in case' we better have them take her. I had been awake for 8 hours contracting every 4 minutes on average and was barely beginning to think, 'Maybe...'

So we headed to the Midwifery again to get checked. At that point it was the longest car ride of my life. I had to shout through contractions since I couldn't move around. We got there and Jen, who had taught the birthing class we took was there teaching another class. She came back to check and see how things were going and offered to come help at our birth if we wanted. She suggested a few things to try to get Autumn out of the posterior position. 

Onica checked me and I had only progressed to a two and she knew that we had a long birth ahead of us, so she gave us some options. One was to take a sleeping pill to help me get a little rest and energy before the long night we were anticipating. She also suggested a few things to get Autumn out of the position she was in. She did a more extensive sweep to help out, since I was in a slow progressing labor. We then made the long (in reality we are talking 10-15 minutes) drive home.

We got home and I decided to try a couple of the things, one which helped with coping with the pain was hanging on to the towel rod in a deep squat while moving side to side with my hips. The pill started to kick in, so I decided to go to laying on my side with several pillows under my right leg through several contractions. This is where the pill kicked in and things start to get fuzzy for me. I ripped all the tags off the pillows during contractions and actually ripped a hole in my pillow. I would just whimper and say, 'Please move baby.' Then all I remember is laying on the bathroom floor after having the urge to strip down completely, and waking up for contractions on top of my pile of clothes on the floor. There was bloody show and plug somewhere in that fog too. Maybe that was earlier. But I think it was here-ish. 

Troy kept checking on me and asking what I needed and took great care of me all day. At 6 we were to check back in with Onica. 6 o'clock came and Troy came to check and see what to tell her. I told him I didn't want to get in the car, and didn't think I had progressed enough to be admitted anyway. He told Onica this, and she said she would come to our apartment to check me so I didn't have to get in the car. (Show me an OB who'll do that for a laboring patient!) 

Onica came and checked me. I had gone from a 2 to a 4 in those 4 hours. Onica said she helped me out with another stretch, pushing it to a 5 and I had a good deal of bloody show at this point. She told me that things were going to be kicking their way up to the next gear. She asked if we had eaten and said she was going to go grab food and would meet us at the birth center in 45 minutes. A contraction hit and when I was starting to lose my focus during a contraction, and started screaming, she said to me 'Low tones, Mama' and had me say 'Ohhhhh' with her in a low tone through the contraction. The 45 minute plan was scrapped and she said for us to head to the birth center.

This is when I must have hit labor land. I remember next to nothing from here on out, so a majority of this is what I have been told. Troy took the bag out to the car, then came in to get me. He escorted me to my seat and got out because it was snowing quite a bit, and the windshield wipers had frozen to the windshield. The driver side blade ended up breaking off when he was removing it from the windshield. He had to pull some sort of MacGuyver move and reattached the broken blade. 

He says he was doing this for a good ten minutes. I have no memory of it. While he was doing this, I apparently also emailed Jen to get her help. Somehow email seemed like the logical way to reach her in such a time sensitive case? I have no idea.

We got to the center and met with Onica in the midwifery then headed into the birthing room. I wanted to get into the water, and Onica showed Troy what to do with the shower head for my back labor and the tub filled from the runoff. I actually took off my bottoms as fast as possible and jumped in the water before taking off my shirt, because I wanted the water so badly. 

I labored with a pad under my knees leaning over the edge of the tub. The contractions were intense and I latched on to the 'Ohhhhh' trick through every contraction from here on out. The water was heavenly, but started to slow things down. Troy tried getting me to focus on my beads and as my 'Ohhhh' was getting more intense and turning panicked, he said for me to focus on the beads, and I just growled, 'I AM!' at him. Poor guy. 

He turned on music I had requested, which provided comfort and at the same time seemed like I was in a completely different world... It was like a reminder that the other world still existed and gave me a distant connection when I hit the depths of labor land and was in my own world. (Think of the trigger music in Inception when they are in the dreams that comes from outside the dream.) 

Jen, who I had emailed had tried emailing me back to get my number and had found it and tried calling me. I obviously wasn't paying attention to my phone, so she called Onica to find out if I would like her to come. She got there while I was in the tub still. 

Once the contractions were slowing down from the relief of the water, the midwife gave me options. They were to get out of the water and labor 'on land' for a while or break my water bag to move things forward. I had heard people say how much more intense contractions get after the bag breaks so I got out of the water and labored on my knees bent over the birthing ball. When contractions would hit I would continue to say 'Ohhhh' and rock with my upper body side to side. I had intense back labor from her being posterior, so while contracting Jen used acupressure on my sacrum and hips. I remember when I was trying to figure out what my body wanted to do, Jen told me, 'This is YOUR birth. Do what YOU need to do.' It was something I latched onto mentally for the rest of the birth. 

The point came where this wasn't doing the trick as well and my 'Ohhh's needed to not turn into screams. It was time to try something different. I moved to labor on the toilet, facing backwards to open the pelvis, and a pillow on the back to rest on. I was in transition deeply at this point and the contractions seemed to last forever. 

Onica and Jen were constantly having to remind me to use low tones and not lose control. They kept telling me to stay on top of the contractions and not let the contractions take over. I needed to be the one in control. It was extremely difficult and my low tones would turn to screaming but they helped me focus and bring them down. 

After a while I started to notice the urge to push with contractions but kept thinking, 'I can't be done, this isn't the end' so I kept fighting the urge. It was the most intense sensation. 

Finally someone said to move and I just said that I wanted to get back in the water. I remember being told I had earned that, and could. I got in the water and laid down and I felt a little sheepish when I said 'I want to push.' I felt like there was no way I could be done and they would tell me no. Of course I was shocked when Onica said, 'Okay!' She said she was going to check me on the next contraction, just to be sure. 

I ended up having a tiny lip, but was dilated enough to push. She had me feel the water bag so that I could see how close I was, and it was RIGHT THERE. Troy held my right foot for leverage as I used the structure of the tub on my left. I pushed with the urge and did warrior mama shouts as I felt the baby descending in the birth canal.

After a few contractions I felt an intense pop and rush of fluid as my amniotic sac burst into the water. The shape of her round head was extremely apparent as I felt it alone in the birth canal. After a few pushes, they told me to reach down and feel my baby. I felt the top of her head and was so excited that she had hair. A couple more pushes and she was fully crowning and soon after I noticed the whole head sticking out of me. 

Then I experienced what I have since read happens in posterior births where the shoulders get caught. Troy told me there was a sense of urgency surrounding this delay of me pushing her out. I had to push extra hard to get them out and then she slid right out of me, and Onica caught her and put her on my belly. This was 25 minutes after I started pushing. Troy told me I said in a bit of a whiny whimper, 'Ohhh, Baby!' 

She was COVERED in vernix and lanugo still, and we waited for the cord to stop pulsating in order to perform the delayed cord clamping. At one minute she scored 7/9 on the Apgar and at five minutes scored 8/9. Troy cut the cord while she and I had skin to skin time. 

The tub was drained around this time and Troy took Autumn for skin to skin time while I delivered the placenta. It was just a quick push and it came out, and Cindy, the birth assistant, bagged it up for us. I moved to the bed and we had skin to skin time and Cindy helped me begin breast feeding. Autumn caught on quickly, and it went well. 

Cindy also massaged my uterus and taught me how to do it myself once I got home. I also had only been drinking sips of sparkling Apple Cider throughout labor, so she got me to drink the rest of it to get my energy and strength back. 

Troy took the baby at this point to dress her while they assessed my tearing. Due to the extent of my tears, they called in the most experienced midwife to do my sutures. They wheeled me down to the midwifery to do it while Troy held Autumn. 

They used two packages of sutures but got me all sewn up, and Onica held my hand while Karin was sewing in parts where the lidocaine wouldn't take effect. Karin was awesome about telling me how she loves to quilt 

and so this is a fun challenge for her. I cannot begin express how much I love the midwives and incredible quality of care at Geneva Woods! I wish the six midwives there could move with us when we leave Alaska. 

Shortly after this I got dressed and we went home. Four hours after giving birth, we were headed home to recover in the peace, comfort and privacy of our own home. 

Recently on the Birth Without Fear blog they were having women write why they are amazing. My empowering birth experience and pregnancy has shown me I too am amazing. I am amazing because I am a hyperemesis survivor. I am amazing because I had a difficult pregnancy and trusted my body despite difficulties. I am amazing because I had to develop a dairy and egg free diet for much of my pregnancy. I am amazing because through counseling and hypnosis I was able to cope with my past and heal my body and soul. I am amazing because at 28 weeks pregnant I passed a kidney stone with minimal medical intervention for the pain. I am amazing because I used alternative medicines like Chiropractic and Myofascial massage to cope through the end of my pregnancy. I am amazing because I had two weeks of prodromal labor and didn't do anything against my birth plan to move things along before my baby and body were ready. I am amazing because after 18 hours of labor, I birthed my persistent posterior baby with nothing more than a sleeping pill mid-labor. I am amazing because my body made the most beautiful and perfect baby girl I have ever seen, and I am the one that did that. I simply had to trust my body to not fail me... And it didn't. Because as I have learned again and again over the last 41 weeks, I am amazing.